i am sorry.

tahu tak, tak pernah sekali pun dalam sesuatu masa aku takde masalah persahabatan. i just realize it today. dulu kat sekolah macam ni. kat matrik macam ni. now the same moment was just happen to me in university and i was like, SALAH AKU KE ? 

oh maybe yes. takkan nak tunding tangan kat orang lain pulak kan ? remember that quote yang cakap satu jari tunding kat org lain lagi empat jari tunding kat diri sendiri ? so tapayah tunding tunding. 

you know what ? i'm not that kind of person yang boleh hidup tanpa family dan kawan-kawan ? they are just my everything. like seriously ! 

and tahu tak. since primary school i always had a problem with close friendship berjumlah nombor ganjil. and i don't know why !!!! and the most worst thing kenape aku je yang selalu dipinggirkan ?

ape perangai aku teruk sangat ke ? cakaplah. no need nak jaga hati. benda baik kan ? tegur je. and aku bukannya jenis yang mudah melenting kalau orang yang close dengan aku tegur my behavior. ini serius. 

and as a conclusion i just realize tonight. those shit happen cause its came from myself. cuba tengok persahabatan org lain ? takde aku. boleh je jalan ? kan ? 

sometimes i just need to be alone. but i know i cant. 

to both of you my dear roommates, housemates, coursemates, and so so so on. 

if only i know that both of you were close together, i won't be the third. 

if i only i know my existance will cause problem in our friendship, i won't be the third. 

just because if only i know. but pretty sure. i don't know and i am really sorry bout that. 

for being third, i'm sorry. 

for being rude, i'm sorry. 

for being the odd, i'm sorry. 

for being bad, i'm sorry. 

for being the worst friend, i am sorry. 

now i know where is my position when all my feelings had been ignored. 

i am sorry. 

p/s : emosi terlebih pulak.